Moody

I seriously need to chill out! Lack of sleep, grumpy toddler, change in medication, and then the flu - it just really got to me! I should say it IS getting to me because today was surely no exception! Oh my goodness! The mooselion is such an unhappy toddler and it just gets to be SO exhausting! My dear husband is also feeling down and here I am being a grouch! It needs to stop. I know this!

Friday I was at a retreat at church, and though my business booth didn't do well I had such a great time it didn't really matter! It was exactly what I needed! Not just some time away from the kids (though I did need that, too), but just a chance to connect with others and really tune in to God. It was awesome! I laughed, I cried, I sang and danced, and I prayed and was touched. One thing I really felt was that I do need to step out of my comfort zone - to love people, to touch people, to be that light to people - and most importantly to show that love better within my home! We have had some hard times, but in those times I have been able to influence people in ways I never understood. In all the times I thought people could only see the negative - my hurting, my frustration, my sadness, etc. They also saw my love, my hope, and my faith. How much more could I show that if I focused more on sharing that instead of the negative! I'm human and sometimes I need to get the negative out. Sometimes I need to talk to a friend or family member and all of the time I need to just spill it all out to God because he takes my brokenness and makes me new. Completely new!

I felt all of that in one day! Imagine if I hadn't gotten the flu from the kids I would've had another day there! I'm so bummed I missed the 2nd day, but sometimes things like that just happen. Still, I was eager to begin a new journey - not only sharing positive out of the negative but actually FOCUSING on it. I want to embrace it! I want to break down walls of being unforgiving, walls of not forgiving MYSELF, walls of hurt and pain and all kinds of negative emotions and go forth with love.

I want to, and I need to continue to pray and seek God because I realize there is still some refining to do! I know it's human to be moody or "down" and to experience disappointment in others as well as myself, but I want to change how I deal with this, and today did not reflect this at all! I was negative, moody, discouraged and discouraging, and just overall a downer!

Yes, this is not where I want to be. It's a journey, and I have to start somewhere. I have to start over and take it one step at a time - starting with forgiving myself for today and asking God to forgive me and help me move forward. If I have wronged you, please forgive me. If you have wronged me please know I forgive you. If I have ever held you to unreachable standards please know I'm breaking them down. I won't let earthly standards bind me, either. It doesn't matter what I or anybody else thinks - you are a child of God, and He loves you!

I know I have a long way to go on this journey, but I pray I will be a blessing to you and not a cursing - that I will lift you up and not tear you down. I pray I will be more conscious of the things I say, think, and feel about people and that when I slip (like today) you will gently remind me to get back on track. I appreciate you! Be blessed!