Moody

I seriously need to chill out! Lack of sleep, grumpy toddler, change in medication, and then the flu - it just really got to me! I should say it IS getting to me because today was surely no exception! Oh my goodness! The mooselion is such an unhappy toddler and it just gets to be SO exhausting! My dear husband is also feeling down and here I am being a grouch! It needs to stop. I know this!

Friday I was at a retreat at church, and though my business booth didn't do well I had such a great time it didn't really matter! It was exactly what I needed! Not just some time away from the kids (though I did need that, too), but just a chance to connect with others and really tune in to God. It was awesome! I laughed, I cried, I sang and danced, and I prayed and was touched. One thing I really felt was that I do need to step out of my comfort zone - to love people, to touch people, to be that light to people - and most importantly to show that love better within my home! We have had some hard times, but in those times I have been able to influence people in ways I never understood. In all the times I thought people could only see the negative - my hurting, my frustration, my sadness, etc. They also saw my love, my hope, and my faith. How much more could I show that if I focused more on sharing that instead of the negative! I'm human and sometimes I need to get the negative out. Sometimes I need to talk to a friend or family member and all of the time I need to just spill it all out to God because he takes my brokenness and makes me new. Completely new!

I felt all of that in one day! Imagine if I hadn't gotten the flu from the kids I would've had another day there! I'm so bummed I missed the 2nd day, but sometimes things like that just happen. Still, I was eager to begin a new journey - not only sharing positive out of the negative but actually FOCUSING on it. I want to embrace it! I want to break down walls of being unforgiving, walls of not forgiving MYSELF, walls of hurt and pain and all kinds of negative emotions and go forth with love.

I want to, and I need to continue to pray and seek God because I realize there is still some refining to do! I know it's human to be moody or "down" and to experience disappointment in others as well as myself, but I want to change how I deal with this, and today did not reflect this at all! I was negative, moody, discouraged and discouraging, and just overall a downer!

Yes, this is not where I want to be. It's a journey, and I have to start somewhere. I have to start over and take it one step at a time - starting with forgiving myself for today and asking God to forgive me and help me move forward. If I have wronged you, please forgive me. If you have wronged me please know I forgive you. If I have ever held you to unreachable standards please know I'm breaking them down. I won't let earthly standards bind me, either. It doesn't matter what I or anybody else thinks - you are a child of God, and He loves you!

I know I have a long way to go on this journey, but I pray I will be a blessing to you and not a cursing - that I will lift you up and not tear you down. I pray I will be more conscious of the things I say, think, and feel about people and that when I slip (like today) you will gently remind me to get back on track. I appreciate you! Be blessed!

Merging

Well, I'm actually going to start posting personal blogs on my Pea of Sweetness website. Basically the every day happenings and whatnot. More personal blogs will stay here I think. I haven't completely decided! LOL I WILL be keeping this blog, though! I just took the time to re-do it and merge it with my old one! I'll decide more as I start laying out my website and go from there! I will probably just do a copy and paste of the general personal blogs from here to there or there to here. I'm just trying to get it all figured out what is best! I don't want it to be a "business only" blog because that's not personal enough, but I don't think I want it to be TOO personal either because that might take away from the business aspect of it. I will be prayerfully considering all the options. I know I need a boost for my businesses, and I know God will lead me in the right direction if I seek His guidance! :-)

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Reminder Fail

I seriously set a phone reminder to remind me to blog at least once every 3 days. I'm sure that sounds pathetic, but it's not that I don't WANT to blog - I forget! So if I don't set a reminder it would probably never happen - as you may have noticed in the past. Well, even my reminder was a fail. For whatever reason I dismissed my reminder as if I had actually completed a blog post. I'm pretty sure I DID make a blog post, but not for here - my personal blog. I must have accidentally dismissed the wrong reminder! I seriously am just "out there" sometimes! I mean I can't even remember to blog when I DO have a reminder! LOL But I realize if I wasn't the little bit of crazy that I am people wouldn't enjoy reading my random, crazy stories as much!

"Crazy" sums it up for sure! It has been crazy! I took moose-lion to the doctor on Monday because I just had a feeling something was wrong. I know he's having a hard time adjusting, but he was just acting more and more miserable! I'm so glad scheduling appointments for the kids here was SO easy! I, on the other hand, had no luck scheduling one for myself! But anyway, he has a double ear infection! Poor guy! Do you know how AWFUL I feel?? I mean, how long as he had this!? She said it was BAD! We're not used to ear infections in this house. B had one once right around his first birthday, and the princess had one when she was 2 1/2, and they both had a fever with theirs. I've been checking moose-lion's temperature often because I was so concerned, and he NEVER had a fever. His temperature hasn't even been slightly elevated! Talk about feeling like a mom fail on that one! The doctor he saw, though, was SUPER sweet, AND she even made it happen for me to get in to see MY doctor even though it's a different clinic and everything! Wow! Talk about a refreshing change! I know it's always hit or miss with doctors, but it really made me feel great that our first experience with doctors here was so positive! Well, I mean the visit itself - not the experience of finding out about the ear infections!! Hopefully, it will clear up quickly and he'll start feeling better! His clingy moods and not sleeping well is starting to get to me as well! I'm writing a blog at 1:30am for crying out loud! haha We just bought him a whole new bedroom - toddler race car bed with "Cars" bedding, dresser, toy chest, and lots of "Cars" accessories. I think B was a little disappointed it wasn't for him, but I explained it's a smaller bed anyway! I think he's still a little disappointed, so I'm trying to turn it into a positive experience - his little brother likes the same things as him, so that means he's a great big brother! :) This bed makes it possible for me to actually lay in it with him and nurse him right there in his bed - then get up and LEAVE! I don't hate co-sleeping by any means, but I'm just not getting any sleep - and neither is he! He was doing SO well (finally) sleeping in his own room before we moved! So I'm hoping it gets back to that soon!!

Basically, our life is still a bit chaotic. There are still boxes EVERYWHERE! The house we're living in is falling apart - literally. The handle fell off the pantry door today, and yesterday when it was raining there was a steady stream of water coming from the bathroom vent/fan. LOL I'm so grateful to be in a house, though, so it's easy to laugh it off! The boxes definitely need to hurry up and unpack themselves and go away! Losing 800 sqft of space = crowded!! I can't stand it, but it's taking me forever to get it done! One day...

And a change to my blog: I will now be referring to our oldest as "B" from now on. The "privacy name" I gave him (Bubs) just doesn't fit anymore! Moose-lion has inherited the nickname "Bubby," so whenever I type anything remotely close it makes me think more of him! He will still be referred to as moose-lion, though, just because I love that one! haha I do think moose-lion is finally sleeping, so I'm going to try to get some sleep as well! I have a BUSY day tomorrow!